No Regrets - No Empty Yesterdays

By Sally

My name is Sally and I'm an older CD that was locked in a deep, dark closet with little hope of ever getting out. In fact, I just about resigned myself to accept this station in life. My lifelong ambition was to have CD friends and go out dressed as a woman. It appeared that neither would ever happen.

I'm married and my wife knows of my desires for feminine finery and gradually she became more accepting and now, bless her, is totally supportive. Neither of us realized how deep rooted these desires were and now finally realize they are a part of our lives which will never go away. Due to family commitments, social pressure, and employment situations, I was glad to just get a night in the house where I could get to wear some clothes. I never went as far as applying makeup and my attitude was just be happy with what your doing. Yet, this yearning to be with people like me still tore at my heart and created a vast chasm, a void which seemingly would never be filled.

Five things changed all that: the Internet-CD friends-Renaissance Support Group-My lovely wife-& Lynda "with a y" Krupa. They are listed sequentially rather than by importance because they all had a profound impact or influence on me and Sally.

The Internet opened a whole new world for me to explore. It set the stage for the most significant change in my life. There are so many transgendered people out there that were just like me or like the people I wanted to be.

Two people influenced me greatly. First, there was Georgia Hilbert, a "T,' lady from Oklahoma who was older than I and still going strong. She belongs to a Renaissance group there and advised me to seek support at Renaissance in the greater Philadelphia area. Eventually, I did. Now enters Audrie Dove. She also befriended me and we developed an Internet friendship which I still cherish.

She persuaded me to attend an "all you can be" weekend in Franklin, PA called the Riverside Gala Weekend In November 1998. This event, and the preparation for It, has forever transformed me into who I am today. I conjured up enough nerve to ask my wife if she would let me attend this event. Surprisingly, and matter of factly, she said "Go for it" with real meaning. It just turned my whole life around. I also said that there was a transgendered support group called Renaissance located close by which I wanted to join so I could develop some friendships with people like me. Again, she was very supportive. The only string attached to any of this was that if I was going to go out "en femme" it had to be as ladylike as I could possibly be. No tarty clothes - and heavy makeup. Obviously, a small price to pay for realizing my greatest ambition. My wife said I should seek an image consultant to help me make that transition from the closet to the outside world so to speak. Renaissance recommended Lynda "with a y" Krupa. I would also like to mention another wonderful person from Renaissance, Gloria, a client of Lynda's whom I actually met after reading her testimonial in the CDtips client section. She's a dear lady and has become a wonderful friend.

THE SEA OF TRANSITION

With new found confidence, I began my voyage. My wife was my lifeboat, my CD friends were my paddles, Renaissance was my compass and Lynda "with a y" Krupa my navigator. My wife couldn't seem to do enough to get me started. She began buying me jewelry, a couple of outfits from those delicious catalogs that seem to come daily in the mail, and a nice crowning touch, breast forms from Frederick's of Hollywood. Audrie Dove kept reinforcing me with her tales of past Riverside Gala Weekends and how much fun they were. I started to attend meetings at Renaissance and realized how much in common I had with many of the members. Then I made that first call to Lynda "with a y" Krupa.

I was extremely nervous as I heard what has become a familiar greeting "Hello, this is Lynda, how may I help you?" I told her my situation and she arranged a meeting at a neutral site where we would discuss exactly what I was looking for and what she charged for the services she could provide. We met at the Adams Mark Hotel on City Line Ave and we both appeared satisfied that my needs could be met. I explained that it was now or never for me to move forward with this life style I always yearned to have.

I told Lynda exactly what I wanted to be. The best I could look dressed as a woman with no illusions of passing for a real woman. I'm not a female trapped in a male body. I just like to wear women's clothes, sexy clothes and very feminine so much to the point that I told Lynda that I don't want any kind of slacks or pants suits. If I'm going to dress as a woman then it's dresses and skirts. I showed Lynda a picture my wife took of me dressed with a very short skirt and Lynda did comment that I had nice legs.

We agreed that we would get the proper foundation garments, shop for some outfits and shoes, select a proper wig and consider other services such as nails, body hair removal and makeup sessions, all geared to my attending the Riverside Gala Weekend In November 1998.

NAVIGATING THE WATERS

I told Lynda that I was paying for her expertise and that, with little exceptions, would follow her recommendations. Fortunately, I had over time stashed away a little money that I would was going to use for some special occasion but never dreamed that it would be for Sally. Lynda has developed some great contacts in her consultation profession. She deals primarily with CDs and transgendered people. So when you go for an excursion with Lynda, you feel very safe and secure. Her contacts are discreet and trustworthy.

Our first visit was to a boutique owned by a very sweet and gentle woman. She made me feel very comfortable despite being told to strip down to just my panties that Lynda had instructed me to wear under my male attire. I also brought with me the breast forms my wife had purchased as a gift for me. The appointment was made after hours so I had the entire shop to myself. We tried different foundation garments, bras and girdles primarily, and was assured that they must fit properly before I would purchase anything. Never once was I pressured to select something that I did not like nor was I under any pressure to buy a certain amount. I eventually bought white and black girdles and bras and a nice see through sexy black peignoir. The corseteer was just great throughout the entire fitting.

The next adventure with Lynda dealt with selecting outfits that I was going to wear to the Riverside Gala Weekend ( RGW). We met outside her apartment complex and she drove to a major department store in King of Prussia shopping mall. Lynda preselects outfits for you that she thinks you will like based on your description of what image you want to project as a female. My likes tended toward short skirts and dresses. My intention was to buy three outfits for RGW. A causal outfit for the seminars or visit into town, a dressy dress for the welcoming and talent show, and a formal dress for the Saturday evening dinner. I never realized when a girl goes shopping that she has so many decisions to make. True to my new nature I couldn't make just three choices so I ended up buying at least 8 outfits that could be expanded into more with selective mixing and matching. Lynda was just great throughout the entire episode.

First, she secured a private dressing room where I could try on all the outfits I liked from the selection Lynda had chosen. She would ensure they fit properly or dashed out to find the right size and color sometimes fighting the other woman shoppers for the items In the process. Eventually, I selected all but the formal dress. It didn't look good at this point but Lynda dashed out again and came back with a handful of formal clothes. Then I saw it. I now know that feeling a woman gets when she knows that a dress was meant for her. I eagerly reached out for it, draped it against my body and knew it was "The Dress". Did It fit? You bet it did and a size 12 to boot. I never ever dreamt that I could fit Into a size 12 and here It was. A dark blue velvet formal dress that fit perfectly including the proper length for me. (I love short lengths.)

Another thing that Lynda ensures Is that you not only get the clothes you want but that they fit properly which means in some cases they have to be tailored. Again, Lynda has a great contact in this area. Again discretion Is assured and you can feel at ease when getting fitted for alterations. By now my little stash of cash was beginning to dwindle but I still needed to learn makeup techniques. We decide that three sessions would be required for my needs. I never imagined how much time, care and effort Is required for this phase.

Lynda not only teaches you how to apply makeup but explains why you do certain things. The one thing I will always remember is that you can never blush enough in your application. She also matches your skin tone to the makeup. She advised me never to use black mascara or liner because It actually makes me look older, a definite no-no for me because I'm old to begin with. I want young like I told Lynda. I purchased the brushes and makeup from Lynda since it made sense to use these things if I was learning her techniques. She also provides you with a script that outlines each step In the makeup procedure. I still refer to it when I apply my makeup. I still need to practice this because it's really Involved.

Next came the wig. I admit I had preconceived notions about the style and color I wanted -long and blonde. I always remember the movie starlets of the 1940's with such perfect hairdos with never a hair out of place. Lynda persisted in her attempts for me to keep an open mind in this regard. She tried a few on me but I also persisted with my attitude. Finally, she persuaded me to try different styles and took some Polaroid shots that I could bring home to show my wife. My wife tended to side with Lynda and I slowly began to open my mind to other options. I asked Lynda If my wife could come with me to my next makeup and wig fitting session. She eagerly agreed.

Finally, I not only heard what Lynda was saying but began to listen to what Lynda was saying. There was a general compromise on all sides. Lynda found a wig that was long, blonde and stylish In the modern sense. I opened up my mind and bowed to Lynda's expertise and hopefully the accompanying photos support Lynda's sense of taste and mine. I just love "The Dress".

Time was now moving by so rapidly that it was getting real close to my, as I like to phrase It, coming out event at the RGW. I was going to live as a woman for three days with no thoughts of pants, BVDs, sneakers or other masculine attire. The other services provided by Lynda that I Invested in were false nails which glue on. Lynda makes sure your nails and lipstick match. I had the hair on my chest area removed which seems to be a very difficult area to keep smooth.

Now I was ready for my "Maiden Voyage". Needless to say, It was a most enjoyable time for me at RGW and the crowning touch was being selected as runner up for Best Dressed at the formal dinner. This exceeded my wildest expectations but I was so proud that when I got home I Immediately phoned Lynda to tell her this great news of mine. She was extremely happy for me. I received so many compliments on the outfits that I wore at RGW, even the real ladles on the hotel staff were complimentary of my outfits. With my wife's insistence that I be ladylike in dress and manner and Lynda's good judgment and sense of styling I was destined to present a good female image.

These memories I will carry with me the rest of my life and I have the photos to constantly remind me of this satisfying and most rewarding time. To top off 1998 as a banner year in my lifetime, I also chose to take one final service that Lynda provides. The complete transformation to a woman. It may seem expensive but very much worth it. I was attending a Christmas dinner with the NJ Support Group, an affiliate of Renaissance, in New Hope, PA. My lovely wife was also attending as wives and significant others are always welcome to meetings or dinners. I went to Lynda's for the three hour transformation prior to the dinner and when Lynda finished she also took photos which appear here with me In "The Dress".

Kudos to Lynda. Her services may seem high but you get personalized treatment and care. It's a good trade off. Lynda became really good friends with both me and my wife throughout this adventure. She made my wife welcome to attend any session we would have together. There Is a double moral to this story of Sally's: You get what you pay for and you're never too old to fulfill your dreams. I can honestly say that I have no regrets and no empty yesterdays.

Sally "with a y"
frankly9@aol.com